So It Begins

Two years. Two years since our world was last “normal.” Two years since we thought our big trials were past us for a while. June 9, 2016, was the last time our lives had some semblance of normalcy. Sure we were preparing to be parents to twin girls, and we knew that was going to … More So It Begins

Am I a Fraud on this National Infertility Awareness Week?

We’re almost through this year’s National Infertility Awareness Week. And for the first time in a few years, I haven’t had much to say publicly about it. To be honest, I don’t feel like I can this year. Not while I’m holding my 9-week-old son who was conceived completely naturally and was a total surprise … More Am I a Fraud on this National Infertility Awareness Week?

A Day of Drowning

Sometimes, something (or nothing) sets me off. It lands me in a puddle of tears, a balled up mess on the floor of the office bathroom. The grief feels as fresh and raw as the day we said goodbye to Catherine. It demands to be felt after days, weeks, months of stuffing it deep down … More A Day of Drowning

Our New Normal

I sit here after weeks of difficult nights feeling on the brink of defeat, feeling devastated and frustrated that I can’t figure my baby out, feeling like maybe I can’t do this mom of two living babies thing. Like I just can’t. And then I remember saying those words to Peter during labor. “I can’t … More Our New Normal

A Candle for Catherine

And all of the other babies, named and not, who left too soon. Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I speak about pregnancy loss often, but today is a day for grieving parents around the world to find solace in our collective loss, celebrate our babies, and receive support from our community. Although … More A Candle for Catherine

One Year Gone

“What’s on your mind?” asks Peter. “The same.” “What’s that?” “Catie.” “What about Catie?” “This just shouldn’t be our life.” I swear, we’ve had this same conversation a dozen times in the last week as the anniversary of Cate’s passing approached. I’ve felt myself spiraling out of control again. I haven’t felt this deep sense … More One Year Gone

Swimming Through Jello

That’s about how I feel right now trying to get through my days. These anniversaries simultaneously loomed large in front of me like Kilimanjaro and snuck up on me as I went about my day-to-day activities. Sorting through the emotions while also parenting and working and wifeing and adulting and living really feels like swimming … More Swimming Through Jello

A Birthday Wish

My birthday is coming up this weekend. The big 3-1. Nothing special, really. Last year was a bigger one, and even that wasn’t a huge deal. It was important because of the girls. It was important because I was starting a new decade of my life while also ushering in this huge change with these … More A Birthday Wish