A Year Infertile

Last month marked a year since Peter and I first visited a fertility specialist.

I wish there was a cake involved in this. Can there be cake?

Now, as 2015 draws to a close, I’m looking back at a rocky year filled with the highest of hopes and some of the lowest points of my life. It’s painful to think about the fact that we’ve been trying to grow our family for almost two years now; that we’ve been seeking medical help to grow our family for a year; that we still have nothing to show for it but a nearly empty bank account and broken hearts and spirits.

Peter asked me maybe a month ago if 2015 was going to end up being one of the worst years of my life. And while I’ve experienced individual moments in my life that were much worse than any individual moment I experienced in 2015, I think I would have to say that, overall, yes. 2015 might just be one of the worst years of my life.

I’ve measured the last two years of my life in fertility-related numbers, it seems:

  • 20 cycles
  • 1 surgery
  • 4 IUIs
  • 1 egg retrieval that gave us 15 eggs — 7 mature eggs, 4 fertilized eggs, and 0 embryos

Suffice it to say, 2015 was a draining year — emotionally, physically, spiritually, financially, and just about any other -ly you can think of!

From my experiences in the infertility community, this struggle either makes or breaks a couple. Nothing in between. And I’m proud to say that Peter and I are stronger than ever before. We know we can lean on each other. We know we can cry, yell, give each other the silent treatment — but in the end, the other isn’t going anywhere. We’re already a family, just looking to add another member or two. And no matter the outcome, we’ll always have each other, which is so reassuring!

And while we’ve spent a year as an infertile couple dealing with treatments, we’re so very much looking forward to 2016 and the excitement it has the potential to bring to our world.

It’s hard to believe that in 70 short days, I will be what the IF community calls PUPO — Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise. Likely with twins, no less! And that’s as far as we’ve ever gotten on this journey. I will be able to say, at least for 9 days, that I am pregnant. Hard to wrap my brain around that, honestly. I’m so excited and I’m so terrified at the same time!

70 days. Just have to make it through the holidays, and then the time will really fly by! We’re coming, my little Czech-egg. Mommy and Daddy are coming for you!


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