A Lot of Resolve

We’re a little ways into 2015 (!!! As the Husband said this morning, forget 2014 or 2015, what the heck happened to 2004?!) and I haven’t really sat down yet and outlined any goals for the new year.

Like a lot of people, I’ve moved away from making resolutions, per se. I’m more about setting goals. I feel like resolutions are more about checking things off of a list, but goals are about making true changes. And that’s what I want to do with this year. 2014 was a trying year, and I’m determined to make 2015 one for the books!

Physically: I’m in the middle of trying to get pregnant, and hoping to get pregnant this year. So losing weight isn’t really my end goal for this year. My goal for myself physically is to keep to a routine of healthy eating and exercising. Especially during the last half of the year, the Husband and I found ourselves going out to eat a LOT, and eating really unhealthy foods. I want to get back to cooking for the two of us. It’s also just really nice to spend time in the evenings preparing dinner together.

Emotionally: This one is hard for me. I have a lot to work on when it comes to dealing with my emotions. I either bottle everything up and say nothing at all, or I spill my guts to people who really don’t need to hear what I have to say. My goal is to find some middle ground here.

I am also determined to start dealing more constructively with my emotions regarding our conception journey. As I said in my previous post, I had to take a break from Facebook because I couldn’t handle all of the pregnancy announcements. This doesn’t sound healthy to me. This year, I will find a constructive way to deal with my jealousy and frustration. I will also learn to accept where I am in life and know that I’m doing everything in my power to change it, and that’s all I can do.

Spiritually: Like I’ve said before, 2014 was rough. It was rough on me, it was rough on the Husband, it was rough on my in-laws. We just had a very tumultuous year. And I often found myself trying to pray and only getting angry. I’ll admit it. I have recently discovered an anger with God that I didn’t know I had. And boy did that blow me away when I realized it. I’m not supposed to be angry with someone who loves me unconditionally, right? But I am.

Especially throughout the latter part of 2014, I found that, instead of saying prayers of thanksgiving for all I have, I was saying prayers full of questions. Why are you putting us through this? Why won’t my body do what You designed it to do? Are you trying to tell me that we’re not actually ready to become parents? Why? What can I do to change that? Why are you putting the Husband’s family through such troubling family issues?

So many questions. And zero answers. I don’t know why. Likelihood is I’ll never know why or understand the reasons for the journey we’re on. But I’ve got to make peace with God and his decisions for our journey. If I don’t, it will only  you.make the fact that I have to face it anyway even harder than it already is.

There are other goals I have that are more like your typical checklist:

  • Develop and maintain a cleaning schedule for the house
  • Save more, spend less
  • Make time for friends
  • Read more books and expand my horizons when it comes to genres, authors, etc.
  • Get back to blogging about what I read — heck, maybe I’ll even start a neighborhood (or bloggerhood??) book club
  • Take a trip somewhere, preferably out of the country, but anywhere new would be nice
  • Blog more!!!

Hold me accountable! If you read about new clothes I bought, remind me that I said I was going to spend less money. If I start questioning my path, remind me to accept it because that just makes the trip a lot smoother. It’s going to be one wild ride of a year, I feel sure. And I can’t wait to spend it with you.

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