This week has been rough. It’s also been exciting. It’s been a mix of emotions, really. More on that in another post. This is just about one thing.
The biggest thing that happened: Facebook and I broke up. Not for good. We’re just in an off-again period of time. It just wasn’t working out. It wasn’t Facebook; it was me. There are plenty of clichés I could use to describe this break-up, but what it really boils down to is that I’m not in a good enough place to be able to healthily handle certain Facebook posts.
I really hate that this blog has turned into talking about nothing but babies. I’m working hard to change that. But starting our family is part of, not really finding myself, but continuing down this path of the me I’ve become. I went through some dark times, I’ve come out on the other side of it, and the Husband and I are ready to move on with our lives and build our family. I’ve documented our struggles in this blog, partly as an outlet but also partly because I don’t think women should be afraid to talk about this, as I’ve mentioned before.
We’ve gotten to a very difficult time of the year. This past summer, when I was still full of hope that we would be expecting soon, I had grand visions of the cute pregnancy announcements I could send out for the holidays. That clearly did not come to pass. Not for me.
But it did for many people on my Facebook feed. And the barrage of Facebook pregnancy announcements that hit my feed in the last 2-3 weeks sent me over the edge. I’m not proud to admit that there were a few crying, screaming, throwing-things nights in our household after seeing posts. To save myself from the pain, and to save the Husband from trying to figure out how to “fix” me and the situation, I decided to remove the trigger altogether.
It’s been an eye-opening experience. Let me break down my typical day for you, at least as of last week. Alarm goes off at 6:30. I roll over, grab my phone, and scroll through my Facebook feed for 10-15 minutes while I shake off the cobwebs. Once I get to work, I turn on my computer, open up my work email, and open Facebook in another browser window. I compulsively check Facebook a couple of times an hour. While on my morning and afternoon walks, I spend some quiet time scrolling the feed and reading articles friends have posted. Before bed, I scroll through the feed again to wind down.
Since breaking up with Facebook, I find myself instinctively going to my phone’s app in the mornings and on my walks. I deactivated my account, so luckily when I do open the app on accident, it takes me to the login page. It’s strange to think how reliant I, and we as a society, have become on social media. Facebook wasn’t even around 10 years ago, and nowadays, people are logged into it constantly. Before this week, I couldn’t go 10 minutes without pulling it up and refreshing my newsfeed.
I guess I consider it a blessing in disguise that my inability to cope made me put some distance between Facebook and me. I’m hoping to focus more on my blog. I’m spending more quality time with the Husband and really enjoying what we’re doing instead of Facebooking about where we are, who we’re with. I plan on logging back on at some point, but for the time being, I’m enjoying just living in the moment.