(Re)connecting

Well, it’s been a while.  Too long, really.  I forget how much I love writing, and how much I need to do it, until it’s been way too long since I’ve written anything.

Big news, though.  The Boyfriend has become the Fiance!  He proposed the weekend we were in Houston, and I (obviously) said yes.  We’re still in a bit of shock over it, really.  We’ll just look at each other sometimes, and one of us will say, “We’re engaged!” like we still can’t believe it.  And sometimes I can’t.  I still don’t know how or why he happened to me, but I thank my lucky stars every single night that he did.

So we spent a fair portion of the Thanksgiving holiday time getting our families acquainted.  Our parents had already met each other, but neither of our siblings had met anyone.  And since a fair amount of my close family lives here (or was here to celebrate Thanksgiving), we took some time to introduce people.  It was a big source of anxiety for me, the days leading up to our Thanksgiving dinners.  But the meetings went swimmingly, I think.

I did have a mini-meltdown on Saturday evening, though.  Not sure what triggered it, but I spent a solid 30 minutes crying my eyes out.  The best explanation I was able to come up with was that I just don’t know where I belong right now.  We’re in the process of connecting and combining our two families, and I just am not sure how to deal with this big change over.  I wonder if many other brides-to-be go through something similar.  It was just like I know I’m a part of my own family, and his family is welcoming me with open arms, but… Something just felt off.  It’s almost like I can feel my own family letting me go a little bit, for lack of a better phrase.  They know I’m starting my own family, and they have to let me have some leeway to do that.  And because I’m a newcomer to his family, I still feel rather awkward sometimes.  So I just have this lack of belonging.  Senseless?  Yeah, probably.  But there it is.

I’ve also found myself reconnecting with long-lost friends the past few weeks, something I’ve also wondered if many people do during such a life-changing time.  Old friends have reached out to me, and I’ve reached out as well.  I just so often have this feeling of experiencing so much change that I just want some semblance of normalcy back, some sense of stability and familiarity.  And my past doesn’t change.  The people have, surely, but I just find myself desperately missing those friendships lately, and that stability and familiarity those people brought to my life.

Please don’t mistake me.  I am so very much looking forward to all the change that is coming my way.  I cannot wait for the Fiance to become the Husband, for me to be his wife, for us to start our own family and go on this amazing journey together.  But like many people in this world, I find change a little scary and overwhelming sometimes.  I’m in the process of dealing with it in ways I know, ways that bring a little comfort to my changing world.

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