This moment, right here

A life-changing event is around the corner.  In theory, I shouldn’t know this, and most girls would want this to be a surprise.  But the Boyfriend and I cannot wait to get married and start a family.  So I know that somewhere in the not-too-distant future, a proposal is coming.

Knowing this, and having the time to think about this, him, and us, as well as the current situation I find myself in in other areas of my life, has gotten me thinking a lot about what leads us all to this exact moment of our lives.

I can trace the beginning of me and the Boyfriend back to Sunday, May 15.  My weekly eHarmony emails.  His picture popped up, I thought he was dorky and adorable, and for whatever reason, decided to send him an icebreaker message.  He wasn’t the only one I messaged that day, though.  It was a ritual thing for me, every Sunday, to message at least 3 or 4 guys on my match list.  After all, why pay for the service if I wasn’t going to use it, right?  And the guys certainly weren’t banging down my door, so I knew I was going to have to do some leg work.  So what choices did he make, what thought processes led him to message me back?  We didn’t live in the same city.  We shared a few interests, but I wasn’t overly outgoing or good-looking enough to catch anyone’s eye.  So what led him to me?

I have no idea.  He’s told me before, but I still find it hard to believe that we found each other in this huge, crazy, messed up world.  I look at him sometimes and it makes me want to cry.  He’s the most intelligent, kind, giving, caring, passionate man I’ve ever met.  And he continues to wow me on a daily basis with his love.  I cannot wait to be his wife, raise a family with him, and spend our days dancing through life.

We all make choices in our lives that lead us to exactly what we need.  Maybe not what we think we want, but somehow, it always turns out to be exactly what we need when we need it.

That’s not to say we don’t make choices that we wouldn’t change if we had our lives to live over again.  But I think there’s a big difference between regret and making a different choice if you could make the choice again.

Let me clarify.

Making a different choice if you could make the choice again simply means if you had your life to live over again, clean slate, not knowing anything.  For example, if I had my life to live over again, knowing nothing of the Boyfriend, I would live my life a hell of a lot less scared.  And that would have led me down a very different path.

In my mind and my world, regret means you would change it now, knowing what you know, knowing where you’ve ended up given the choices you’ve already made.  That’s probably still not very clear.  Regret, to me, just means you’re sorry for the choices you’ve made.  You would change things right now if you could.  I try very hard to live my life with no regrets. 

And I think I can say, in all honesty, that I’m not sorry for any of the choices I’ve made in my life.  So even though I’m going through a rough time professionally right now, I have no regrets. Because it brought me here. It brought me home to my family.  Everything I’ve done in my life has led me to this moment, and the man I was made to be with.  The man I’m off to Houston with for a romantic, relaxing getaway.  La Boheme.  Does it get much more romantic than that?  Well, I suppose it could, but let’s not get too carried away…

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