Empty day

I don’t feel like writing today.

Let me rephrase that.  I don’t feel like I have anything to say.  The things I think I have to say, I can’t focus on long enough to fully form the thoughts.  I have this swirling mass of thoughts in my head, worries, fears, wants, needs.  If I could just grab hold of one, keep it in my grasp for more than a few fleeting seconds, and figure it out, I might be a little more okay.

Today is a bad day.  An “empty day,” for you Hunger Games fans.  No matter what I do to try to improve my mood, it’s just not happening.  I feel empty inside.  And I wish I knew what triggered this feeling.

Yesterday was great.  I felt halfway back to normal yesterday.  I was smiling and laughing.  The Boyfriend came home from work, we had a normal dinner with normal conversation, no negativity, and then had a lovely evening on the couch.  Even went out for an impromptu trip to the store for cookie dough, so I could bake cookies at 8:30 at night!

I have a massage scheduled today at 3, and I’m hoping this will help some, if only physically.  My neck and shoulders hurt so badly that I can’t even tilt my head back.  My therapist told me yesterday she immediately got a vibe of tightness and tension from me.  Well, yeah.

I do not feel very eloquent right now, so I’m going to wrap this up.  I’ll try to gather my thoughts and address at least one of my worries or fears later today.  I need to get them out before they destroy me from the inside out.

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