Ten times as long…

“It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”

-Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

Since last week, this quote keeps coming back to me.  On the one hand, it feels like I’ve been falling apart for weeks.  In which case, my journey to put myself back together is going to be a long one.  But from the outside, I’m sure it looks like it didn’t take long at all for me to fall apart.  So maybe my journey won’t be as long.

Either way, I’m hoping writing it all out, getting outside of my own head, will help me on that journey.

It took me a while to describe why this blog came to be, so if you’re curious what’s up, please read the “Who I Was” section.  I promise the story will come out slowly.  I’m honestly still processing everything.  And unless I know you very well, I’m not one to just lay everything out there.  Hell, even if I do know you well, I don’t lay it all out there.  The Boyfriend doesn’t necessarily know it all because I can’t really verbalize it all the time.  Which is probably why I feel so trapped sometimes.

I’m going to get my head shrunk today.  Here’s hoping that helps a little.  I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to verbalize, or what all she’ll want to talk to about, but maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to come out of this with some coping strategies.  I’ve never dealt with stress well.  Internalizing it is never the thing to do, but I still do it.

I have more, but I’m processing.  I haven’t blogged since the LiveJournal days, and those days got me, and probably a lot of us, into a lot of trouble.  I want to process before I write.


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